Hello I'm back, I guess, yeah wel anyway I've been coming up with a lot of stuff for Guardian Universe, yes it never stops.
Well here it is,
There was a scream, he raced into the tent and saw her lying on the ground, a pool of blood slowly spreading outwards. Her blonde hair had been dyed pink by the blood. She lifted her head to look at him, "I wasn't fast enough...my love." her eyes were already beginning to lose their brightness. There was so much blood, not all of it could be hers, could it? he thought despeartely as he took her into his arms. He heard someone shouting for help before he realised it was himself. He gently rocked her back and forth as tears streamed from his eys, he looked down into her eyes and saw the last light of life leave them.
Try and guess who that was...well no actually don't but anyway if anyone wants to tell me what they think go ahead.
Yeah I thought it was quite a touching scene, could do with some work but then so does eevrything.
Now that's about it now at least.
Well bye and sayonara and stuff. Yep my typical goodbye.
Can't wait for May 19th.
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14 comments:
I like it! But I think the bit about the pink dyed blood needs to be worked in a bit better, maybe something like...
He heard a scream, and raced into the tent. The first thing he noticed was {insert name here} lying on the ground, a slowly spreading pool of blood dyeing her {insert hair colour here} hair pink. As he rushed to her side, she looked up at him with eyes already beginning to lose their brightness. {S/he} spoke softly.
"I wasn't fast enough...my love."
A million thoughts raced through his head as he gently took her into his arms. There was so much blood, not all of it could be hers, could it? {insert a few more thoughts here} He heard a desperate plea for help and wondered who it could be, before he realised the pain-filled screams were his own. He gently rocked her back and forth as looked down into her eyes and saw the last light of life leave them, and tears began to stream from his own.
Well, I guess I rewrote the whole section. I hope you don't mind, I'm just trying to help.
Hmmm...copyright does come to mind.
But it sounds better then what I wrote, that's for sure.
When do you go to sleep?! are you always up to two in the morning or something, and that's not a particularily healthy way to live either.
Usually some time after 3:30 AM. Depression, insomnia, and 1.5 Mbps broadband... It's a deadly combination.
Also, the time on the comment is actually six hours after it was posted. -R
Just a note, when you get lots of blood in your hair, it doesn't dye it pink. Even when your hair is blonde.
What it does is it makes your hair blonde, but just covered in red blood.
In Guardian Universe it does! :-P
Hmm, well we'll see about that.
*steps slowly back into the shadows*
Mwahahahahahahaha
Why? What's so special about May 19th that makes it so not able to be waited for?
You don't know?
I'll spell it out poorly for you satwra warsdb see there you go.
Oh, you mean that movie that Lewis (you remember Lewis don't you?) has been going on about for the past month???
Quite possibly
The one that he saw at 12:01 AM on Thursday?
Quite possibly...
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