Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Things are starting to look up

I swears, I'm starting to like Uni again, maybe its the A I just gots in Learning Tech, or something but these are the most A's for major assignments I have seen in more than two years.

And things are starting to look up for the family again, operation success, and my brother seems fine, all good news for me. Now all I need to do is start and finish my electronic Portfolio...Using Dreamweaver of course.
Its meant to be like a webpage sought of affair, something I'm quite good at doing.

A short story


He kept to the shadows as he followed, what was it about this girl which seemed so familiar?
He shook his head, as he was about to leave, a voice in the dark ahead of him coursed him to stop, what was going on here? He moved closer treading soundlessly on the gravel beneath him.
His hand moved to the hilt of one of his swords, as the girl seemed to be backing away from whoever had been speaking. He moved closer still and heard the voice, his hand tightened on his sword.
She almost broke to running, but her military training kicked in forcing her to stand and listen, he could tell she was terrified. The owner of the voice suddenly lunged out for her with a sword, he moved without thought, his right sword left its sheath, and sliced through the man’s hand, neatly severing it, as the man screamed. She screamed in turn, as he neatly positioned himself between her and her assailants. Another two lunged at him as their companion collapsed to the ground bleeding heavily. He drew his other companion sword and held both at bay.
His eyes were hard as he pushed them back, whoever this girl was he wanted to protect her. He kicked one in the stomach with enough force to send him flying across the street. The other man let out a cry of fear as he ran away, dropping his weapons as he ran.
He turned to look at the girl, as she still stared at the dieing man; he looked her in the face till his fierce stare caught her attention. He softened his expression, “You should go.” He murmured.
“Who are you?” she asked quietly, almost mute from the shock.
He didn’t answer for a time as he thought over what to say, “I’m a wanderer.” He finally answered, he started walking away, he had been here too long already, she still hadn’t moved however. He turned to look at her, something was wrong with her.
His eyes widened as she collapsed, he caught her in his arms, and lifted her into the air with surprising ease. He looked at her silently before he began walking, retracing his steps.
He eventually reached the barracks, as the moon reached its zenith. A surprised shout was heard, and a massive man, ran up to him.
“Aeries!” he said in alarm, looking at her limp form, his gaze transferred to the man holding her, “What happened to her, and who are you?” he asked carefully, not sure what to make of the black cloaked, white haired man.
“She ran into a bad crowd, I intervened.” He said quietly, gently placing her in the arms of the man. He turned and began to walk away.
“Who the hell are you?!” the huge man asked again.
The wanderer looked at him for several moments, “A passer buyer, no more no less.” He said quietly before he disappeared into the shadows of the city.

Another part of the opening segment of the Saudes Saga...tell me what ya think, if you feel like it of course.

Man I've got a long day ahead of me, four and a half hours till my next class and I'm stuck in all day...

Well sayonara, and goodluck with everyone's exams, and rearrangements of their lives...

5 comments:

The Saxman said...

Yeah rearrangements sounds right.

You need an editor for spellchecking etc, but as for the story itself...

Interesting but what the heck was the guy's motivation for protecting the girl? If he was white haired that would mean old, therefore no romantic attraction to the girl.

Sometimes it's difficult to tell whose point of view we're seeing things from, eg. it shifts quickly from being the shadow man to the girl and then back.

Otherwise intriguing, definitely leaves us wanting more info, good luck!

Eledor said...

The man is albino, I guess, he appears ghostly, he's not old, he's Eledor man!
Speell checker's an obvious one, and I really need to sit down and think of a good way to write that particular scene, I did that one in about twenty minutes.
I wonder if Tendafoot, is going to get any better?

Richard said...

Speell checker? *raises eyebrows*

I think you tend to overcommarise things, and I just made that word up. I'll have to get my red pen out one of these days (and I don't want to hear a TNWYWSLN out of you Saxman). But apart from that, you've got some really good ideas in there, it's just a bit 'clunky' to read. I'd ba happy to give you a hand decommarising and declunkifying it if you like (there I go making up words again).

And as for Tendafoot, all I have to say to that is: Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm (perhaps with a barely perceptible shake of the head, perhaps not.)

tendafoot said...

You wonder if Tendafoot is going to get any better?

OF COURSE NOT!!!!

You can't improve on perfection. :p

Eledor said...

True...I guess...